I heard the voices of the KSL announcers in the background of my dream somewhere. Amanda and Grant were talking about . . . I was slowly awakened as usual by my clock radio at 5:00 a.m. This same old routine begins my every work day morning. However, today I lightly snoozed an extra 20 minutes before I realized "Oh shoot, I had better get up . . . Oh shoot, I'm gonna' be late."
Actually, I do this same thought process every morning and I manage to get to work somehow. Although I think I ought to change my morning thought processes, when I am only half awake I don't have constructive thoughts or even processes - ugh! - I am just not a morning person.
However, I have to be at work at 7:00 a.m. My drive time, depending on traffic, can be up to an hour. On good days, 40 minutes - so hmmmm! . . . I should leave by 6:00 a.m. I guess I just always plan that the traffic that day will be good. Poor planning, I know!
Anyway, back to this morning - you see my routine was a little disturbed by the 'power outage' at 5:30ish - What perfect timing - I had just emerged from the shower and I was in total darkness. Not a light anywhere. "Uh Oh!" I realized as Daisy licked my bare leg, "she needs out . . . clothes, I need clothes, where are my clothes?"
I thought to myself "Self - where are your flashlights you have prepared for your emergency preparedness?" (note that for later).
I managed to feel my way to my dresser, count down the number of drawers 1, 2, 3, 4 to my underwear, and pick some out. (Putting them on took longer than I expected and I have no idea as of this writing if my underwear is actually inside out or not). As I helplessly rummaged for a bra I thought, "so this is what it is like to be blind and dress every day?" I then remembered to be grateful for eyesight and wondered how I actually was going to pick out an outfit for work?"
You know, if I were more organized like my sister, my clothes would all be neatly hung in a row by color, texture and genre. I'm not - Dang! (note that for later). Well, what to do? Oh! Yeah! I remembered that I had hung a pair of Khaki pants with a belt already attached to it on the edge of the pre-made closet organizer in my walk in closet. Clothes are not really supposed to be hung there, I just got lazy a week or so ago and didn't put them away properly. At the moment, I thought that must have been a brush of genius, "I can wear those, and the shirt I didn't put away - it was on top of the organizer."
"Now these clothes," I was thinking, "are not really the best office attire." Hmmmm, but at least I knew they wouldn't clash, like striped gray pants and a plaid maroon and brown jacket or something. I found the ill put clothes with relative ease and happily put them on.
By this time the dog was scratching me. Oh, Yeah! I had a lantern in the garage all set up for emergencies, I remembered. In fact, that lantern was supposed to come on automatically when the power goes out. I tripped (literally) down the stairs and out to the garage with my dog Daisy in tow to find it. Daisy really didn't much care about the dark problem. "How the heck does she see in the dark?" I wondered.
Problem! I reached the garage and I couldn't find the lantern which is SUPPOSED to already be lit. "IT'S NOT THERE! Shoot!" (Note that for later)
I pushed the garage door opener. Nothing - then I realized I could not open the garage door. Dang! I had to open it to put the dog out on her chain - but no power - Duh! I wondered where that red hand pull thingy was - what's it called? The 'red rope thingy with a handle on it to unlock the garage door so I can lift the door by hand thingy' . . .thing. "Shoot!" I couldn't find it . . . . could not find it . . . "shoot!" (and no, I was not swearing unless shoot is a swear word).
Daisy was restless. "Daisy, stop scratching me!" I begged - "O.K. Let's think. Well, if I open the car door, I'll have light! Good thinking! - but where are my car keys? . . . oh shoot, where?"
Oh Whew! In my unorganized fashion I realized that I had left the car unlocked. I opened the door and Wa La! the interior light beamed like a beacon on a light house. Well, not that bright but I could now at least see the pull rope AND the dog's chain. Dog out, another chore taken care of.
Back into the house I went. Now I searched and searched for my phone and keys. They are attached purposely to each other so I never leave my phone behind when I drive away, and the phone attached to the keys helps me remember not to misplace my keys . . . ingenious for someone with my problem. O.k., so it's not so ingenuous, but still, works for me. By the way, it's not my old age causing my senility; I have been like that forever! Ammon inherited it - sorry Ammon!
Anyway, as I was saying, I searched everywhere for my keys . . . everywhere that I would normally put my phone - but dang it was dark - Pitch Dark. "Where is that flashlight!" I realized at this point I had to wake up Ammon. "Ammon, call my phone, the power is out and I can't find it in the dark."
Ammon called as instructed, and by golly, there was my phone . . . on the stairs???? Why on earth did I leave my phone (and keys) on the stairs? I would never have found them in the dark. However, now I had a little light - my cell phone glowed in the dark. "Hmmmm, if it is fully charged I can see to find my shoes," I thought. I remembered, though, that my phone needed to be charged (note that for later) so I used the light sparingly.
Problem . . . my hair was wet. "I have to go to work with my hair wet and no makeup?" Ahhh! (swear word may have passed through my brain momentarily but I didn't say it nor entertain it . . . I was not going to resort to such baseness). I realized I would have no food for lunch either! NO! I DID NOT SWEAR but it was leaking out of my pours. I asked for forgiveness.
I found my shoes and socks using my cell phone light. Then I had to search for some kind of bag to pack up my makeup and blow dryer. "I'll just have to get ready for work AT work," I decided. By this time, according to my cell phone it was 6:20. I had been puttering around in the dark for almost an hour? I have to be to work at 7:00????
Then, just as I was leaving the house, the power came on! "Ohhhh! Thank heavens I don't have to show up at work looking like THIS," I thought. Then in complete disbelief, I looked down at what I was wearing. It was a completely different outfit than I thought I was wearing. In fact I had on blue jeans!
(Note - we do NOT wear blue jeans at work). I noted that My black and silver belt did not exactly look superior with my brown shoes, tan socks, red shirt AND I was in blue jeans. How did I find those blue jeans? Yes! I was late for work!
You thought this day was done? NOT finished. I had to do audits today on several of my licensees, including a strip club called Pinky's. I walked into the dark square box shaped building and fortunately saw nothing particularly noteworthy. There were only a few old men playing pool on a pink pool table. No dancers, just an empty stage with a pole in the center. The bartender informed me that the owner was not there - she told me that the owner's wife had her baby and he (the owner) would be gone until Monday. I guess a baby is a little more important that an audit. Do strip club owner's wives actually have babies???? Do strip club owners actually have wives???? Would you be married to a strip club owner???? I live a self imposed sheltered life I guess.
So, with nothing to be done but reschedule this audit, I decided to leave. Now that my eyes were sufficiently adjusted to the darkened room, I noted that the inside of the club was painted in pink and brown stripes and that the old guys (probably my age) were staring at me. I decided I'd rather not strike up a conversation.
I took my big black leather bag with my audit materials and opened the pink and brown striped door to leave . . . and . . . there I stared at a very dark small closet - errr! Well, no, there's a men's urinal??? Where was my car? Why was there a urinal in the closet?? I was momentarily highly confused. "Oh! Shoot - pull yourself together girl." I started laughing. I heard one of the guys chime in, "Both doors look alike," as I noticed the sign that said "MEN" sort of hidden in the stripes. By this time I fully realized I had picked the wrong door?
I looked over and saw the actual door I needed which would lead me out to freedom. It was right next to the one I had just pulled open. I turned around and faced the now smiling men and truthfully said, "I'm sure glad none of you were in there." I didn't wait to hear the guffaws and taunts that I'm sure followed me out the door.
But you can laugh at me if you want to!